Not-So-Helpful Advice

Did you know that cough drops now come with inspirational thoughts written on the wrappers? I didn't either, but look, here's proof:

See, there's a pep talk in every drop (TM)! OK, I can see the wisdom of betting on yourself and putting your game face on when you're sick, but are you really going to inspire envy when your nose is red and your eyes are watering and the high point of your day is getting up enough energy to get in the shower? And then there's that little piece of advice telling you to show off your battle cry. When I read this, I was so drugged up with Robitussen that it sounded like a good idea, so I did a little Tarzan yell—and promptly started hacking up a lung. That's the last time I trust a wrapper.