I'm going to live past the age of 70, so I can't be having a mid-life crisis, and I'm past the quarter-life crisis stage, so I must be having a third-of-the-way-through-life crisis. Yes, it's a real thing! All the signs are there, and it's just getting worse as my birthday gets closer and closer. Sheesh, I thought turning 30 was bad. That was nothing. My biological clock is ticking, and it's getting louder. I have this fear that I made one wrong decision back in my 20s that completely screwed me up for life. If I knew what that decision was, maybe I could fix it, but I don't, so I just get to wonder—maybe forever. There's so much more I want to do with my life, so much more I think I should be, but lately I've just been feeling stuck.
So I do silly things, like seriously consider buying a convertible and dying my hair purple (I've always wanted to do that, though, so maybe that doesn't count). I've thought about changing jobs, although that might have more to do with the fact that work has been just plain crappy for the last few months—yes, more than the "I hate getting up early and putting on a skirt" kind of crappy. The fact that I haven't taken more than two days of vacation in a row in over two years probably doesn't help matters. Unless I'm at Zumba or out with friends who help me think of other things, I'm almost always feeling restless and unsettled and completely unsatisfied.
I have no idea how to fix this. No idea. For now I'm going to be proud that I changed my hair color by adding highlights, not by going purple. I've only shopped for RAV4s and CR-Vs, which would be very helpful for skiing and camping and getting around in the winter, not hot little convertibles, which would be very helpful for making me feel fabulous and wild and free, but not very practical. I've only taken two days off from work just because I'd rather go to a Zumba class and have lunch with a friend and get a pedicure than face another day of sitting in my office. I'm going spelunking for my birthday and then I'm going to a Zumba convention in August—and I only check my countdown calendar for that six or seven times a day. I think I'm handling it rather well so far. Of course, I'm counting every morning I get out of bed and don't go driving off to a beach somewhere as a victory. Besides, if they can still sing "Happy, happy birthday, children dear" to me in Primary, which they did today, I guess I can't be that old, right?
4 comments:
Time for a jaunt somewhere on another continent, I'm thinking. And I've heard a little bit about what's going on at work--could "crappy" be an understatement? Dunno. You're awesome and resilient and brilliant--you will undoubtedly weather the storm well.
Please my dear oldest grandchild you scare me going spelunking. I want you around for the rest of my life. I have found life is different for each of us. Heavenly Father has his plan and if we just let things go his way we will be OK. How about a purple wig to wear to church that would wake someone up :). I always wanted a red convertible but settled for just a plain red car when I turned 50, Hang in there girl and life just might bring some unexpected surprises.
Love, your grandma ;)
I feel your pain. Life is really depressing right now.
I wish you all good things - I hope that you'll find a fabulous red RAV4 with a beautiful sun roof and plenty of room for skis and camping equipment. I hope that your job gets better - not just to a tolerable level, but to an enjoyable level. I hope that you find some new adventures to make life worth living - oh, and I'd like to go on some of those adventures, too. I think you look good with the highlights but if you do decide on purple I really want to see it.
And I want to hear all about spelunking.
Well is spelunking all that dangerous? I mean really I'd not go as I'd have severe claustrophobia! But I think it sounds fun. I guess I think of it as much safer then climbing big mountains!
Although no consolation, the times when work life was absolutely at my breaking point... those are the best stories I get to tell these days. I have some great ones too! :) So if you do buy a new vehicle, be sure to share pictures since who knows when I'd actually get to see it. Hang tight to stalactites and don't trip on stalagmites and I think you will do just fine! :)
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