On my way home from Florida, I had a layover in Denver. I didn't want to come home—I mean, I really didn't want to come home. So I tried to convince Leslie we should go somewhere else. It just happened that there was a flight leaving for Las Vegas at the gate next to us. Woohoo! Vegas, baby! We were actually in line to see if we could change our tickets when Leslie decided she didn't want to make that call to her husband, so we dutifully boarded our flight home. Dang it. During the whole flight I tried to come up with one thing—just one—that would make it nice to be home. I couldn't come up with anything. I hadn't been gone long enough to really miss anybody, I knew I was going back to a work environment that was making me totally miserable, and let's face it—real life just plain sucks sometimes. When I walked in my door at home, I lost it. Then I lost it twice at work the next day. Not good, not good at all.
I started thinking that I needed to do something completely spontaneous and irresponsible to help myself feel better. Discarding my plans and flying to Vegas would have been just the thing. But we didn't do that. Last week I thought maybe I should get a tattoo, but then I remembered that I hate needles. I thought that I could run away to Vegas for a weekend, but then I started being all responsible and planning which weekend I could go and how I would get all ready to leave and who I could invite to go with me. At that point I heard a little voice screaming inside my head, "But then you're not being spontaneous, you idiot! Isn't that the whole point?!" Too true, little voice, too true.
Maybe I just have to take baby steps. Last year I thought about being spontaneous. This year I almost was. Someday—someday—you're going to get a post saying that I just woke up one morning and decided to end the day on a beach. Those few minutes in the airport at least showed me I was capable of such rashness, and I have to say (while giggling to myself with glee), it's rather exhilarating to know I have that stuff inside me.
P.S. Yes, life is getting better than it was during those first few days back home. Just want you all to know I'm not completely losing it.
1 comment:
:) I don't know if we were raised to be spontaneous. When in college I almost went on a quick trip to Mt Rushmore. Yup thats right, a fast trip. Well I said yes and then just couldn't do it. My two friends who went had a great time and I realized I was not raised to be spontaneous. But I have learned a lot over the past 21 years. I have done some spontaneous things. Just not on large scale. I think it sounds fun though! I can't wait to read your post when you do decide to do it!
Post a Comment