Rebelling, Finally

All of you reading this probably know or could guess that I was always the good girl when I was growing up. I never got into any real trouble, mostly because I never did anything that would cause me to. I was responsible, well behaved, and, as I'm looking back now, way, way too uptight. I didn't even play hooky from school until the last two weeks of my senior year. Well, I think I might be coming into my rebellious teenage years—20 years late. I'll just call it part of my pre-midlife crisis.

OK, full disclosure: I always thought rules were meant to be broken; I was just too worried about what other people would think about me if I broke them. I've stopped caring so much. I guess the rebelliousness started coming out when I refused to wear nylons to work all those years I was supposed to, but that was more about self-preservation than rule-breaking (I would have gone completely, stark-raving mad if I had forced myself to wear crap on my legs and feet all day). But guess what I did a week ago Friday? I played hooky—for the first time since those last weeks of high school.

OK, full disclosure again: I played hooky responsibly. I was having lunch with a friend. It turned into a long lunch (an hour and a half), and then she suggested we go watch a movie. Um, yeah! Actually, it took a few minutes for her to convince me it was OK. Then I had to go back to work and shut my computer off and tell people I was leaving. Then I had to call someone and ask him to take care of a few small jobs for me. But then I left. Holy cow, that felt good. It was liberating, I was giddy, and it was a lovely way to give a subtle middle finger to the job I've been dreading waking up for over the last few months.

So what did this little act of responsible rebellion teach me? For one thing, I'm always going to be responsible. That's not a bad thing, but it does get in the way of fun sometimes. But the second thing is that it doesn't have to. Every once in a while, I can let go and do something unexpected, and the world isn't going to end. And even if it did, what a way to go.