Shoulda Been a Rock Star

I usually enjoy my job quite a lot, but this week it's been incredibly frustrating. Between that and everyone else in my family having life-changing events this year, I've been thinking way too much about what my life is lacking. There's a part in You've Got Mail that I've always thought was written about me: "Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?"

Even though most of the time I'm happy with my life, I do sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had been a bit braver when I was younger. I was watching Nationals (figure skating for those of you who didn't grow up with only one meaning for the word "Nationals") this afternoon, and someone skated to the same music I once skated to. It's amazing how quickly everything came back, first all my choreography and then so much more—the feel of the wind rushing through my hair as I flew around the rink, the thrill of doing the perfect layback, the sound of my blades carving edges into the ice, and just the joy of it all. I have no illusions about what I would have accomplished in the skating world had I stayed with it. I was never going to be good enough to go to the Olympics, but sometimes I wonder how my life would have been different if I hadn't quit when I did.

And what would have happened if I had been brave enough to move to New York after I graduated from college? Megan was all ready to go with me, so I wouldn't have even had to go alone. I guess I'm just too much of a homebody, which I suppose isn't always a bad thing. I do wish I had figured out how to be a roadie for one particular rock band. Seeing a different city every few days and spending my nights jumping up and down like a lunatic sounds like a fantastic life. Last week I played Rock Band on the Wii for the first time. If I stick with the easy mode, I'm quite the lead guitarist. I'm also a very accomplished head-banger. What's more, I can do both at once. Now that's talent. Yep, shoulda been a rock star.